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Waiting for the Plot

So last night we watched a Bond flick: "Die Another Day."

I must confess that, while I like Bond movies, I had not watch this one before.

Here is my review:

Die Another Day is a great movie in the sense that a trainwreck is a great show. It is awful, but you just can't stop watching. The fact that it is the kind of vehicle that lends itself to MST3K type of running commentary is a plus.

I could summarize the movie with the following imaginary dialogue:

"I have a great idea for the new Bond flick!"


"Let's have people getting sucked out of planes!"

"Like Goldfinger?"

"Yes! And while we're at it, let's do a laser scene! Only that this time, instead of having Sean Connery tied up on a table, we will have Halle Berry! In leather!"

"Like Goldfinger?"

"But wait! There's more! We'll include a deadly weapon harnessing the power of the sun. In space! With diamonds!"

"Like Diamonds are Forever?"

"Oh, and let's also have some underwater scenes where James Bond is breathing through his mouth via a tiny oxigen tank the size of a pen."

"Like Thunderball?"

"Brilliant, ain't I? And for the villain, an evil, North Korean leader!"

"Like Team America?"

"And instead of having Pussy Galore, we will have puns galore! Get it? Puns galore! Ha, ha!"

"I think I'm getting a headache . . ."

"But wait! Here's the best part! For my piece de resistence, a dream sequence where MoneyPenny is making out with Bond! Man, I'm a genius!"

"I think I need a drink . . ."

Now, if they had only included Mini-Me . . .

At any rate, if you are a B movie fan, such as myself, this movie is for you. The plot is missing in action, and its face is currently appearing on milk cartons with a legend that reads "Have you seen me?". But the movie itself is random enough to keep you entertained. In fact, the only difference between this movie and a Dolph Lundgren movie (and I love Lundgren's cheesy movies!) is the budget.

That, and Halle Berry.

Oh, wait. That's part of the budget.

Never mind.

But do watch it.

And let me know if you could ever find the plot.

Last I heard, it was spotted in Cancun drinking Margaritas with Jean Claude Van Damme.



( 16 comments — Leave a comment )
Aug. 31st, 2006 12:51 pm (UTC)
Plot... We don't need no stinking plot. Its a bond film.. entertaining no matter what. also a good film to work on projects during. If you miss something it doesn't matter. no plot line to catch up on. Also there is nothing like swimming in water where the landscape is all ice and having no ill effects. or fro that matter walking around in a suit all the time and not being cold on the ice.

Aug. 31st, 2006 01:34 pm (UTC)
Re: Plot
That gets you shaken, not stirred. Booya! :-D
Aug. 31st, 2006 04:49 pm (UTC)
Re: Plot
You noticed that, too? Were you in my brain again?
Aug. 31st, 2006 08:47 pm (UTC)
Re: Plot
But it's so comfy in there!
Aug. 31st, 2006 12:55 pm (UTC)
Yeah but it had a fencing scene!! That beats a fat guy with a bowler any day.
Aug. 31st, 2006 01:36 pm (UTC)
Yes it did. And also some of the worst knife-fighting I've ever seen. Someone should have taught these chicks, particularly Halle Berry, how to fight with two knives vs. a long pointy. Girl would not survive a knife fight. Not in a long shot. Argh!

It was still a lot of fun. The snarkiness factor was a plus.
Aug. 31st, 2006 04:48 pm (UTC)
Like "Goldfinger"!
Aug. 31st, 2006 04:48 pm (UTC)
The knife fight was amusing. When Halle Berry kicked Villan-chick in the face and made her stagger, I yelled at the screen, "Are you stupid? Attack, Bitch! Attack!"

Oh, and Madonna's bad acting. Thank goodness she only had a few lines and was off the screen in five minutes.
Aug. 31st, 2006 08:48 pm (UTC)
Evidently, she didn't learn to knife-fight in Ponte Alto.
Aug. 31st, 2006 08:24 pm (UTC)
Hey Belphoebe - quick question about your rapier fighting shirts - do you use M. Grace's pattern?

Aug. 31st, 2006 08:29 pm (UTC)
Yes, ma'am. And I usually use 3.5 oz. linen.

Most practical pattern ever made :-)
Aug. 31st, 2006 09:50 pm (UTC)
Cool - thanks! How much of it do you reinforce so that the underarm sections pass inspection?
Sep. 1st, 2006 01:37 pm (UTC)
Usually, I cut the reinforcements from the piece that is leftover from cutting the gusset from the shirt, if that makes sense. There are two ways to do it: Reinforce it with two or three of those pieces with the same linen, or use a couple of layers of habotai silk sandwiched between the shirt and another piece of linen. (You don't want silk against your skin.)

Marcellus likes the linen alone, while I prefer the silk and linen. The reason for it is that when you wash it, the silk dries faster than linen, whereas several layers of linen will take longer to dry than the shirt itself.

My recommendation is to make a little swatch with the layers you are going to use, and punch test it. That will tell you how many layers you will need. I keep it to the minimum because I don't want to overheat. :-)
Sep. 1st, 2006 01:46 pm (UTC)
Thanks! How much of the gusset area do you reinforce? M. Grace's pattern doesn't have a separate gusset piece, if I remember correctly.

I tried making Adam a shirt Mid-style (with reinforcements in the top half of the sleeves), but it looks funny because the top half is more opaque than the bottom.

Adam really only fights epee when he's in a tournament fighting someone who's not rapier authorized, so it's annoying to have to fuss about things like this, but I guess them's the rules so we'll follow them.
Sep. 1st, 2006 02:00 pm (UTC)
I only do the underarms, where the funny-shaped gusset is. I am trying to upload a file onto my gallery to show you how, but it is taking forever. I'll email it to you instead.
Sep. 1st, 2006 02:10 pm (UTC)
Okay, let's see if this works. Gussets
( 16 comments — Leave a comment )

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