In fact, it was so guilty that it featured live performances by Hanson, delecting us with heartfelt renditions of past favorites such as Achy Breaky Heart and Ice Ice Baby. What can be better than that?
At any rate, here is the abridged version of everyone's performances:
Chelsea Kane and Mark Ballas: They did a cute quickstep in standard Ballas fare: adorable, fast, full of gimmicks, and crowd pleasing. Poor Mark had twisted his ankle, but they did go ahead and danced anyway. Kudos to him. However, as entertaining as this was, I believe it is a totally forgettable dance. Why may you ask? Because a year from now few will remember it, but everyone will remember Kendra's dollar shimmy (see further below). There are dances that for better or worse become staples of DWTS for years to come. This one was not one of them.
Romeo and Chelsie Hightower: They did a Viennese waltz to the theme of Titanic. Damn you Romeo! You are growing on me! You have all the personality of a potato and the approachability of a prickly pear. But you have been working really hard and it is paying off. It was a really good dance, and I even tossed a vote your way. (I still can't believe I did that.) My sweetie wants you gone, but I am afraid that even he had to admit that this was a very enjoyable dance.
Hines Ward and Kym Johnson: The Hineyman is a dance machine. They also did a Viennese waltz, and it was incredibly good in typical Hines fashion. Kym is terrific at training footballers and she and Hines looked amazing - even if Carrie Ann nicked him for "thinking" while dancing. (If you're gonna
Kirstie Alley and Maksim Chmerkovskiy: Oh Macks, you
Kendra Wilkinson and Louis Van Amstel: Oh, Kendra! You have redeemed yourself!
"Wow,¨says Kendra. "That's a lot of shimmy!!!"
"This is a samba," says a solemn Louie. "You've got to shake everything God gave you."
"Hum," says Kendra. "God didn't give me my boobs."
At any rate, Kendra did a terrific job with that samba and shook those boobs that God didn't give her like there was no tomorrow. It was a riot, and a dance that no one is going to forget any time soon. Even if they try. I believe that girl has bought herself some more time. Go Kendra!
Ralph Macchio and Karina Smirnoff: They did a paso doble that was kind of
Chris Jericho and Cheryl Burke: Oh, Chris, I crided for you! You and Cheryl did a paso to Journey. I actually liked it, although my sweetie thinks that it was kind of stiff and flat footed. Sadly, so did the judges, who sent you to the bottom of the leaderboard. I voted for you, and I do hope that others did too. I would hate to see you go home so soon...
So boys and girls, with no ringers and no clear front-runner, it's anyone's guess who will be heading home tonight. We have been predicting Kendra's departure for weeks, but that has not happened yet. And I do hope she comes back to dance another day. Chris is at the bottom of the leaderboard, and Ralph messed up rather bad. It is really hard to tell.
However, you have a chance to cast your prediction at our totally pointless weekly death pool. Tomorrow, we will know who got it right.
In the meantime, I leave you with a picture of Kendra's unforgettable $1.00 shimmy, and the Weekly Death Pool at the bottom of this post.
Shake what god didn't give you, girl!!! (And yes, that's a bill in Bruno's hand. There goes the neighborhood.)
Photo courtesy of the folks at ABC.
Who do you think will be going home tonight?
Chelsea Kane and Mark Ballas
Romeo and Chelsie Hightower
Hines Ward and Kym Johnson
Kirstie Alley and Maksim Chmerkovskiy
Kendra Wilkinson and Louis Van Amstel
Ralph Macchio and Karina Smirnoff
Chris Jericho and Cheryl Burke