By popular demand
• Joanna (swimsuit model) & Derek: 34 = Whoa, sister! Who would have thunk that a Sports Illustrated model could actually dance! And quite well by the way! Girl, you are breaking up with tradition. Usually models have a tendency to dance with all the grace of a plastic Barbie doll, and not one with ball joints. You proved everyone wrong. You're going to be a top contender. (But what's with the fringe pants this year? Everyone is wearing those.)
• Kelly Osborne & Louie: 31 = Oh Kelly! You are so adorable! I can tell that you will be a crowd favorite. And having the Prince of Darkness and the rest of the family in the audience was awesome. Everyone was tearing up when you went to give them a hug and they were crying with you. I love a tale of redemption and of working through tough issues. Keep it up girl!
• Mya (singer) & Dmitry: 31 = I swear, the girls are giving the guys a run for their money this year. Len didn't like the "gimmicky" approach, but that's exactly what Shawn and Mark did last year. Didn't they win? Hint, hint. And I can tell that Dmitry looks thrilled of getting a partner that can actually dance. She looks like a professional already.
• Natalie (Olympic swimmer) & Alec: 27 = Sister has the muscles of an athlete and the endurance of an Olympian. She has also got all the musicality of a tree. She is very likeable though. I wonder how far she will go.
• Melissa (the Teenage Witch) & Mark: 24 = Not particularly good, but cute. Plus she has all the Sabrina the Teenage Witch fans who will vote for her out of nostalgia. She has more musicality than Natalie. But that is not hard.
• Debi Mazar & Maks: 22 = Maks is hot. That's all I have to say. Debi is not particularly good, but not a trainwreck either. This year the guys have the monopoly on trainwrecks. Unless we are talking about Macy Gray (more about her later).
• Kathy Ireland & Tony: 20 = Kathy, you are out of shape and your musicality approaches that of Natalie. Except you don't have the condition. I am not sure how long you will last.
• Macy Grey & Jonathan: 19 = Girl is not even trying. If there was any justice in this world, she'd be gone tonight. However, as a trainwreck she is awesome. I suspect that she may be kept around for a week or two by fans just for the amusement factor. She has all the dancing prowess of a sloth on Valium. On a tree. Stay tuned.
Who do you think will go home tonight?
Joanna (Sports Illustrated model) & Derek
Kelly Osbourne & Louie
Mya (singer) and Dmitri
Natalie (swimming champ) and Alec
Melissa (the Teenage Witch) & Mark
Debi Mazar & Maks
Kathy Ireland & Tony (Papa Bear)
Macy Grey & Jonathan