It has been a rough week so far.

I can see the trousers of destiny bifurcating before my very eyes.

And here's the kicker. There is the easy way, and there's the right way. I will have to go the right way, but sometimes I get so very, very tired.

Oh, well. There are no easy solutions, and the answers are never so clear. Until they are. But they are all painful.

I wish things were different, but they're not. And we have to work with what we have, not with what we wish we had.

Oh well, life goes on.

On a more cheerful note, last night we had rapier practice. Killing people after a rough week always cheers me up. I find it very, very refreshing.

We had three new fighters, and I had a lot of fun working with them. One of them has been fencing for about a month and a half at another practice, while the other two were brand new. We did footwork drills, and I explained to the newbies the basics of SCA rapier fighting. The footwork drills were very entertaining taking into account that I am slightly dyslexic, and so was one of our new students. One dyslexic person in a drill is enough to make it fun. Two, it's a party.

But in the end, they got the idea, and we will do more next week.

I also got to fight with geoffreyapclwyd, dominyk, guylestrange and the new lady fighter before it got too dark and we had to stop. It was great fun, and I must say that something must be clicking because I feel that my skill is improving at a good pace.

I started to feel that change at Pennsic. For some reason, something has started improving in three areas:

Strenght and stamina: I chalk this one up to exercise and nutrition. The fact is, I can fence for longer and do it faster and better without losing my breath so often. This despite the asthma. The best compliment I received at Pennsic was at the Atlantian 5 Man, coming from a member of one of the other teams: "Lady, you run like a rabbit!" This is a feat that I would not have been able to accomplish even last year.

Skill: My movement has become a lot smoother, and my fights a lot cleaner. A lot of awkardness has been eliminated, as well as the feeling of "What do I do next?" In other words, I am tending to react more and let my body do what it's supposed to do, as opposed to thinking about my next move. Distance and timing are getting better, the flow of the fight smoother.

Mind game: For some reason, it is like a barrier in my mind came crashing down. I am not sure what happened, but I have stopped questioning myself and comparing myself to others. By doing that, my self-confidence has improved, and leaving my emotions out of the fight has become easier.

I still have a lot to do. I guess I have stopped fighting myself and my opponent at the same time, and fighting my opponent only is a heckuva lot easier.

But losing that mental barrier is the most liberating thing that has happened to me in a long, long time.

And after a rough week, it feels even better.