Or let me put it in a different context, too much Botox and too much bad plastic surgery make your face look like that of a chipmunk on acid. Except that you can't smile. Or look sad. Or anything.
(And the chipmunk probably can, provided you put some makeup on it.)
So yes boys and girls, it's Dancing with the Stars season again and I must confess that this time around I am more invested in that show than on American Idol.
For one thing, American Idol seems to have only people that suck these days. Or at least, those I have watched so far. There seems to be some hope for Dave Cook, Chakezie, and David Archuleta (aka the Boy Wonder). But so far, I am not seeing any talent of the caliber of a Daughtry, Fantasia, Kelly Clarkson, Carrie Underwood, or even Kellie Pickler.
At any rate, DWTS promises to be a lot of fun. Other than Priscilla "Bride of Frankenstein" Presley (who actually did a very good job on the dance floor), I have my money on Kristy Yamaguchi, Mario the hip-hop guy, and Jason Taylor (the Miami Dolphin tackle).
Oh, and on Marlee Matlin who, despite being profoundly deaf, did a better job than some of her normal-hearing counterparts. Gotta give kudos to the girl. I tossed some votes her way.
Monica Seles, on the other hand, had a very hard time moving her feet. We shall see what she does next week. And someone should stop feeding sugar to Marissa Jaret Winokur (the chick from Hairspray). She's just bouncing all over the walls like a deranged monkey.
As for Shannon Elizabeth, everyone agreed that she has great legs. Now, if she only learned how to use them for dancing . . .
Anywhoo, speaking of dancing, I was listening to the radio the other morning, when they came up with a story from the "Stupid Criminal File" that cracked me up.
Apparently there was a funeral in Taiwan that featured a stripper. The deceased was a little old man whose son had promised to bring one to his funeral if he reached the age of 100 years.
Well, it so happens that the old man lived to be 103, and he died after walking several miles back and forth to get to his voting station to participate in the local elections. His last words (to his son, presumably) were: "So, you're bringing the stripper, yes?"
And then he croaked.
I have seen lap dances, but I have never witnessed a coffin dance.
I wonder how you do that.
And why they included the story in the "Stupid Criminal File," I will never understand. But I bet they could invite the stripper to the next season of Dancing with the Stars.
It would be awesome.