belfebe (belfebe) wrote,

Tough Love Bill of Rights and Belief

I was reading someone else's LJ, in which problems with troubled teens were discussed. I will not repeat it here since it is not my journal. Suffice to say that I remembered the Beliefs and Bill of Rights of Thoughlove which became very useful to me when I was going through my own troubles.

These two little documents lived posted to my fridge for a long, long time. Today, I did a search on the net looking for them, and I realized that the website is no more. I don't know what happened to it, but it has dissapeared. It appears that in some cases abuses may have been committed in the name of Toughlove and it may have fallen in disrepute.

But the principles hold, IMHO.

Anywhoo, I checked in my files to see if I had saved a copy at the time. I did, and here they are:

The Ten TOUGHLOVE® Beliefs

The Ten TOUGHLOVE® Beliefs form the basis of the TOUGHLOVE Program. Successfully working the program requires that each belief be grasped, accepted, and lived.

1. Family problems have their roots and supports in the culture.
2. Parents are people too.
3. Parents' material and emotional resources are limited.
4. Parents and kids are not equal.
5. Blaming keeps people helpless.
6. Kids' behavior affects parents. Parents' behavior affects kids.
7. Taking a stand precipitates a crisis.
8. From a controlled crisis comes the possibility of positive change.
9. Families need to give and get support in their own community in order to change.
10. The essence of family life is cooperation, not togetherness.

These beliefs are explained more fully in the book "TOUGHLOVE" by David and Phyllis York and published by Bantam/Doubleday.

Parent's Bill of Rights

Even though you are a parent, you have rights. Be concerned with your own rights.

You have a right to a night's sleep without:

• Worrying where your child is.
• Being awakened by your child coming in drunk, stoned, etc.
• Phone emergencies from police, hospitals, stranded family members.

You have the right to:

• Live in a clean house.
• Expect cooperation and courtesy in your home.
• Expect responsible behavior from children in your family, regardless of age.
• Stop paying other's fines.
• Stop "helping" your child and start taking care of yourself.
• Make changes in your behavior that your son/daughter does not like.
Tags: family

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