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Pizza Box Flambé

So last night my sweetie calls me from the road and says "Hey love, can you start dinner? Just begin broiling the hamburgers while I show up with the rest of the stuff."

"Sure!" I say, and promptly turn on the stove on *broil*.

About 10 minutes have elapsed, when I hear the key turning in the door indicating that ballistabob is home.

At the same time, I start smelling something burning, like wood in the fireplace. I turn around and I see smoke coming out of the stove's vent.

"Holy crap!" I think. "What's going on?"

I open the door of the oven, and out come the flames. There is a pizza box on fire inside the broiler.

"Gah!" I yell. "Who left a pizza box in the oven?"

"Not me!" ballistabob yells back and adds. "Where's the fire extinguisher?"

"Isn't it by the fireplace?" I reply, trying to figure out whether to wait till the stupid box finish burning inside my stove, or see if I can take it out somehow.

And of course, every time I open the oven, the flames come out again.

"Crap!" says Bob. "We left the fire extinguisher at Pennsic!"

"!#@*Y))(&&^!" Is my response.

To make a long story short, I put on a large pair of oven mittens, pulled the half burnt box out of the oven, and dunked it in the sink full of water just as ballistabob showed up, water spritzer in hand.

I even managed not to set myself ablaze.

Of course, by now the entire upper floor was full of smoke and our eyes were watering.

The good news? We proved once and for all that the batteries to the fire alarm were still working. The darned thing went "Bleep, bleep," over and over for quite a while and, believe me, it was intensely reassuring.

We ended up having leftover sushi and a sandwich in the deck before taking off to "Alle Psallite." And since we had left the windows open, most of the smoke was gone when we came back.

We also discovered that the culprit had been one of El Brato's friends. He will certainly be bopped on the head as soon as we catch sign of him.

Who leaves a pizza box, with pizza in it, inside an oven?

Only a teen male will do.

It is amazing that they survive to adulthood at all.

Le sigh.



( 15 comments — Leave a comment )
Oct. 16th, 2007 09:33 pm (UTC)
My worst one was a couple years ago. Cranked up the oven to broil a steak, and completely forgot that it was loaded with split red habaneros that I'd been drying.
Oct. 16th, 2007 09:34 pm (UTC)
ROTFL! Oh, my god! Talk about having to run out of your house! Nothing worse than burning dried chilies!
Oct. 17th, 2007 12:07 am (UTC)
He will certainly be bopped on the head as soon as we catch sign of him.

"Bopped on the head?" What's the use of having a siege engine if you aren't going to use it?
Oct. 17th, 2007 01:56 pm (UTC)
This calls for a full sized counterweight trebouchet and a very large rock . . .
Oct. 17th, 2007 12:31 am (UTC)
Last time that happened in our house, it was a leftover baked potato...
Oct. 17th, 2007 01:57 pm (UTC)
Flaming potatoes! Run awayyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oct. 17th, 2007 05:54 am (UTC)
Not so terribly long ago...
I set my back yard on fire. We were burning branches left from when the tree fell on the house. The next morning, I took the ashes, and threw them on the compost pile. Next thing I know, the compost pile is ablaze. Fortunately, the extinguisher just where I put it when I did unpack from Pennsic, so I put the compost pile out. But it was still pretty scary. Did you know a pile of leaves is just about as good as accelerent?

So when a tree falls on your house, you'll have to:
1) repair the house
2) remove the tree
3) remove the debris from the tree
4) stress over the money it took for #1 & #2
5) be careful not to do things that could cascade the problem into more problems (like setting the backyard forest on fire by accident).

On the positive side, I still have a bunch of maple logs out of the deal, and steak grilled over maple is excellent!

Oct. 17th, 2007 01:57 pm (UTC)
Re: Not so terribly long ago...
Okay. You win :-)
Oct. 17th, 2007 12:05 pm (UTC)
"Who leaves a pizza box, with pizza in it, inside an oven? Only a teen male will do."

Actually, I had a bible-thumping crazy roommate (female) who regularly left food in the oven AND in the microwave, including a half-disectied chicken for several days. Talk about stinky! I learned to check EVERYTHING prior to turning on any appliance in the apartment
Oct. 17th, 2007 01:58 pm (UTC)
Ewwww!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Was he proselitizing with the chickens?
Oct. 17th, 2007 02:24 pm (UTC)
She. And God only knows.

This is only part of the reason why she has the honor (?) of being The Worst Roommate I have ever had. Worse even than the schizophrenic.

Sometime I'll tell you some of the other fun things she used to do . . . ;-p
Oct. 17th, 2007 02:12 pm (UTC)
I think the culprit needs to clean your kitchen. Top to bottom, by hand. I think that would encourage him not to do anything that stupid again ;)
Oct. 17th, 2007 02:25 pm (UTC)
I like how you think, you evil, evil woman.

Can we make him do it with a toothbrush?
Oct. 17th, 2007 02:37 pm (UTC)
And then make him brush his teeth with it afterwards.

Oct. 17th, 2007 03:00 pm (UTC)
Oh no, that's not evil. Hitting the halloween store and making him dress in a french maid costume while cleaning. Now that's *evil* heh heh heh

(maybe i've been camping with Urso too long.... *grinz*)
( 15 comments — Leave a comment )

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