belfebe (belfebe) wrote,

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Ode to Pain

I was very inspired last night on posting some very insightful entry on how we learn through pain, and how there is light at the end of the tunnel, and that sometimes it ain't no train.

I was going to post something regarding the ending of my life as I knew it back in 1991, and how everything crumbled around me, and how I was mad at God, and how I found myself one day drunk and frustrated and yelling at God in the backyard and cursing him for letting those horrible things happen to me.

I was also going to mention the dream that I had shortly after the God yelling incident, which ended up being very prophetic. However, I was so tired last night, that I didn't post anything after all.

In fact, I wasn't going to post about that dream, but since I have started, here goes:

So there I am, walking on the water over a very black sea. The water is very still and it is night time. A silver moon shines above me, and I can see it's reflection on the water. And I realize that I am not alone. Someone is walking right next to me, and seems to be falling behind.

My companion is a tall, hooded figure, and I cannot see its face.

"Who are you?" I ask.

"I am Misery," says the hooded figure. "And I am leaving you."

"You can't leave me!" I cry in panic. "I will be all alone!"

"But I am leaving," says Misery. "And you will not be alone."

"I won't? But what will I do without you?" I say.

"I don't know," says Misery. "But now you will now have to face Her."

Misery points at a serious-faced, dark little girl who is also wearing a hood.

"But who is she?" I ask.

"I don't know," Misery says.

And then I woke up.

I also realized that it made no sense to beg Misery to stay. Why would anyone want to do that? I also realized that I was so used to Misery, that now I would not know what to do with myself.

At any rate, Misery was right. The wheels of destiny had started to turn and, although I still had many years of travails, sorrow and adventures, my life was never the same again.

We learn through pain.

And as long as we let Misery go, we will allow ourselves to learn and the sun will come out again.

P.S. Years later realized who the little girl was. And I have gotten to know her rather well. In fact, I am still working on it.
Tags: life

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