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Okay, here's my second attempt at live blogging DWTS. I won't go into the entire first half hour, in which the top 10 favorite dances of all times (voted by you, the watcher), were reprised. Suffice to say that I had missed the entire second season, and that I had never watched Nick Lachay and Cheryl's "Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy" freestyle dance. Whoa! No wonder it was voted No. 1. Raunchy? Yes. And I loved it.

Anywhoo, here's where I started:

Audrina and Tony: In rehersals. She's not feeling it. Tony takes her to a MMA practice. She's punching a dummy wearing Bruno's mask. She looks puny but hey, at least she's trying. They do the paso doble. I think she was hot, and the dance was very precise. Go Papa Bear! The judges think she still lacks character development and passion. I agree with them. Then again, these are the guys that actually liked Bristol Palin in a gorilla suit with a tutu. So there you are. They get a solid 24.

Kyle and Lacey: Good lord, Kyle is practicing with his brother, who is wearing a ladie's fucsia blouse that shows off his man boobs. Quick! I need Lysol for my inner eye! This will be embeded in my memory for months to come. Like sunspots! Gah! Now they are dancing the tango. Lacey looks great from the waist up, but the jury's still out from whatever it is she's wearing from the waist down. Is that a tango? If that's the case, it's pretty lame. But they are colorful and the music is pretty good. Bruno loves it. So does Carrie Ann. This after they were harshly critizicing Audrina, whose dancing was much better. I don't get it. Len praises him cautiously. Yay! They get one point less than Audrina. Thank you Len! 23 points.

Jennifer and Derek: Paso Doble. Oh, they're doing the Paso to Pink's So What. The band is murdering it. Gah! They (the band) should be dragged to the street and shot. Or at least be pelted with tomatoes. Derek and Jen are doing what they can considering the circumstances. They stumble. Bummer. Jamie Lee Curtis is there. Yay! So are Corky and Mrs. Brady. This dance was painful. Bruno says that at least she got the rage right. This is gonna hurt. Eek. They do 20 out of 30 despite the fact that they were better than Bristol in a gorilla suit.

Rick and Cheryl: Good gravy! First the porno mustache and now the platinum skunk stripe on a faux mohawk. It doesn't get much better than this. Ohhh, the cheesiness of it all! Dancing with the Stars, I can't begin to tell you how much I love thee. Rick looks confused and his brain won't stop talking to him. I go through that every morning with my Rice Krispies. They won't shut up. Anywhoo, they are doing the tango. The band is still bent on murdering the music. But Rick and Cheryl are doing a better job than Derek and Jennifer. Not the best tango ever, but quite decent. I'd say hot in a Lurch gets sexy scary sort of way. Or maybe Riff Raff on acid. Len likes it. Bruno describes Rick as a Mohican in the war path. I agree. 24 points. They are now in the lead with Audrina.

Is that Martha Stewart in the audience?

I like the rocker dude in the band doing his best Bon Jovi impersonation.

The dancers are seated in what seems a homage to Hollywood Squares. What will these crazy kids will think of next?

Bristol and Mark: Did they really have to show a clip of Bristol in the gorilla suit again? Rehersals. Now they are doing the air guitar. This could be a fabulously craptastic tango. Or not. They are doing a decent job, but she still looks pained. Then there goes the air guitar. It's sort of cute. A definite improvement over the gorilla suit. Then again, that's not difficult. The judges are peeing themselves all over her. Len is the only one with common sense -- again. Thank you Len. 23 points, which is about right.

Moving on.

Kurt and Anna: They are growing on me. Or perhaps it is that Anna is just adorable. Good gravy! Kurt's getting lessons from Bret Michaels!. They're even wearing matching bandannas. Bent looks cool. Kurt looks like a dork. But least he's not wearing it on the dance floor. Paso Doble. The band has decided *not* to murder this song. Okay, Kurt has finally found his inner sexy guy, even though he's still a little bit stop and go. They are looking positively hot. Yeah! Carry Ann doesn't like it. Len doesn't like it either. Bruno thinks that he was more Jackie Chan than Paso. To all of that, all I have to say is two words: Gorilla suit.

Yeah, I won't let them live that one down.

I suspect that he'll be in the bottom along with Jen and Derek. Guess who's going home, and it may not be Bristol. Bummer.

18 points. Blech.

The audience is booing. Angry rock mob? At least that's Tom's theory.

Brandy and Maks: Tango. Rehearsals. Brandy walks out and cries. Hey, it's a tough job but somebody has to do it. At least one walkout each show. Your turn girl. Whoa! They are looking great in practice. I have high hopes for this dance. C'mon guys! Make me proud! OMG! Best dance of the night, in my humble opinion. If they don't get at least a 9, I will be very disappointed. That was hot! Len tells Maks that he's a hero. Bruno is going bananas. (So am I, but then I'm a sucker for Maks tight buns.) He describes Brandi as Tina Turner in Mad Max. Carrie Anne loves it, but calls a couple of tiny mistakes. I saw that too, but it was still one of the best dances ever. Two nines and an 8. 26 points. Yay! You go guys!

And now, (drumroll), marathon dancing featuring the Lindy Hop! This is going to rock.

What the heck is Lacey wearing? Giant rainbow feather dusters growing off her hips?

Oh, noooo. Kurt and Anna are out first! Bristol and Mark are second. Rick and Cheryl are third. Who's next? Kyle and Lacey, not surprisingly. Audrina and Tony go next. Is Derek grabbing his crotch? Apparently Maks whacks everyone's butt. Jen and Derek are next, and my beloved Maks and Brandy are Dance Marathon Champs! Yay!

So here's the survey of the week. Click away and we'll see who was right tomorrow!

Poll #1636617 DWTS Weekly Death Pool

Who do you think will be going home tonight?

Audrina and Tony
0(0.0%)
Kyle and Lacey
0(0.0%)
Jennifer and Derek
0(0.0%)
Rick "Riff Raff" Fox and Cheryl
1(25.0%)
Bristol and Mark
1(25.0%)
Kurt and Anna
2(50.0%)
Brandy and Maks
0(0.0%)

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